We need Fathers in the Church, not just instructors or mentors

1 Corinthians 4:15 For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel.

Paul says something that is more true today than ever, we have many instructors (or mentors ^#1) but not many true Fathers (and Mothers) in the Church family.

Let us have a quick look at the difference between a Father and an Instructor (aka teacher/mentor).

Instructors provide information; Fathers give of their heart and lives for their children

2 Timothy 2:2 shows a generation model, Paul loving and teaching Timothy, loving and teaching faithful men; who in turn love and teach others.  God’s model has always been family. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, the 12 Tribes etc.

Father’s primary method of teaching and impartation is via modelling Jesus in their own lives for their spiritual children. Fathers live by the saying “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Instructors search for students; Fathers seek sons and daughters

Instructors enjoy nothing more than being in a room full of hungry students that can pull knowledge, information, and insight out of them. Those wired by God to father only view the classroom as an entree to find potential leaders they can have long-term connections with toward a process of aiding them in their journeys of becoming mature sons and daughters of Christ.

Sometimes we also need to seek out fathers and mothers in the faith.  If you don’t have genuine spiritual parents, then find them!

Instructors are motivated by impartation of understanding; Fathers are motivated by transformation of hearts and lives

For the small number of children in the faith God has given to Nel and myself we are motivated to see the teachings bear fruit from personal heart transformation. We walk with them, sometimes correct them, always encourage them, and assist them in their journey so they will attain their fullest potential in Christ. This includes just having fun together, meals, outings and so forth.

We have many instructors; We do not have many fathers

Though there are countless instructors, mentors, and coaches in the body of Christ who can edify all of us, each person is has one or maybe a couple of fathers for their life’s journey.

When Paul says this in 1 Corinthians 4:15, he is also referring to the fact that so few in the church ever continue to mature enough in the faith so as to take on the role of a spiritual father or mother. This grieves me as Jesus was a father and revealed The Father to the disciples. Formal Bible study and education will never take the place of the model of nurturing leadership modelled in the Gospels, the Book of Acts, and the epistles. One of the reasons for so much disloyalty and splitting in the church is because of a lack of fathering between senior pastors and their spiritual children, because children will have resentment and rebel against fathers who do not spend time with them.

Our legacy will be our children in the faith and the exploits they do for the Kingdom.

Instructors enjoy academic success; Fathers enjoy life success

Instructors are thrilled when their students do well in school and become great students of the word. John said that he had no greater joy than to find his children walking in the truth–not in his children merely having the truth (2 John 4; 3 John 4).

Instructors have an intellectual/mental connection with their students; Fathers have a heart connection with their children

Instructors love a debate, discussion, Q&A. They love amen’s to their preaching.

Fathers are driven more by a heart-to-heart connection than an exchange of the minds. Heart-to-heart connections delve into the heart, the mind, the soul, and the emotions of a person; they enable a father to delve deeper beyond the surface into the real life issues of a son or daughter.

Instructors desire the opportunity to teach; Fathers seek opportunity for their sons and daughters to minister

Instructors desire to teach, even for free if needed.  They are always wanting a platform to get out their knowledge through preaching, teaching, social media, books, CD’s, DVD’s, and all other forms of available media. Success is measured by the reach (number of people) who receive their teaching.

Fathers see their success by the changed lives and maturity of their children.  We fathers have huge pleasure being in the background while those they have poured into are sent forth to bear much fruit! To see your children prosper in the Lord and the father others is complete satisfaction.

When our children go out and minister the gospel of the kingdom; and become fathers and mothers in the own right we are filled with joy.

Conclusion

Instructors, teachers, mentors, and coaches are great and needed.  Not every Godly relationship is, or can be, a father/mother and child releationship.  We all need to learn and gain knowledge, be equipped, and helped through our life journey.

We also desperately need at least one father/mother in our lives.  That special relationship of deep trust, a safe and honest relationship where we can go with our deepest needs.

When our son went to be with the Lord in 2015 it was our spiritual Dad that we called first.  It is the one we know we can call in the worst life crisis that is our true spiritual dad or mum.

I pray that all that read this become a father or mother in the faith.  There are so many out there that need a father or mother.  This is His Kingdom truth.

Notes

^#1 As a side note (thanks Graham Taylor) we need to stop using the word mentor and use the word father/mother. Let me explain. Consider the following three models of teaching.

1. Guru/disciple (as in maybe a buddhist or other situation). If the disciple messes up (sins) then they get the left boot of fellowship and the relationship ends.
2. Mentoring. This is a secular business term. If the relationship between the mentor and mentee is strained, then they both just walk away. There is no deep abiding commitment in mentoring.
3. Father/son heart relational. As a father when my child sins I will continue to reach out in love. Consider Luke 15 and the prodigal; the father never stopped looking for the return of his son, and when the son returned he was loved and restored. The son can always turn to the father when things go wrong and be restored. Sons need the input of love and discipline from their fathers. So stop being a mentor and start being a father to those who God has put in your life.